Why I Don't Go to Bed With Sexy Lingerie

Valentine’s Day is upon us (have you heard?) and with it comes an onslaught of lacy lingerie supposedly designed to help us seduce all those in our orbit: lovers, friends, friends-who-are-sometimes-lovers. It’s a pairing as old as time—February 14th and all that lace—but it’s also one in serious need of a makeover. We’re in the midst of a really empowering time for women, after all, with feminism having re-entered the mainstream lexicon and many activists working tirelessly to level the still-bumpy playing field for ladies everywhere. It seems like high time to reclaim our underthings, and as someone who never loved the overtly sexy V-Day vibe, I’m happy to kick things off.

My ideal underwear situation is more in line with the opening scene of Lost in Translation: a still shot of Scarlett Johansson’s derrière in sheer, pink full-coverage panties. Sure, there’s sex appeal, but it’s not as LOUD as we’ve come to expect. Many would even call these granny panties! While that’s extreme, it is a subtle get-up—the antithesis of Beyonce in her video for “Haunted.” But, try as I might, I’m not Beyonce, and the cosy pink panty is a lot more in tune with my life.

The reality is that regular cotton panties are just more comfortable than thongs or the lacy boyshorts, which tend to bunch up weirdly under jeans. Thongs do come in handy with certain outfits, so I’ll wear them when necessary. Mostly, though, I just find them unpleasant, a literal pain in the butt, and that does not make a girl feel sexy. I’m a minimal dresser on the surface, after all, so embellishing what lies beneath with frills and the fanciest lace was just never in the cards. If feeling sexy involves feeling like yourself, then cosy, clean lines are it for me.

I’m never going to be the girl dressing up in cut-away panties and tassled pasties for her boyfriend. There’s nothing wrong with her—to each their own!—but she isn’t me. I’m the girl whose dreamboat will love her in less exotic panties, the classic pieces that will never get old. I expect him to like my butt, and me, either way. And if he doesn’t? Well, no guy is worth more than my Calvins.

Check out some of my favourite picks below!