Apr 12, 2014 13 Feelings Every Woman Has Had While Shopping by Evelyn Crowley Trust us, you’ll be able to relate. The illogical dread of running into your priest/rabbi/dad/soccer coach in the underwear department. The realisation that you shouldn’t have eaten that chalupa before trying on swimsuits. “This full-length mirror is warped. There’s no way I look like that. Please god, tell me I don’t look like a misshapen garden gnome!!” The unspoken rivalry that occurs when the woman in the next dressing room tries on the same dress as you. We’ve got a Gap walk-off people!! The panic that ensues when you get trapped in an inside-out turtleneck. Being too lazy to find a saleslady to unlock your dressing room, so doing a stealth manoeuvre under the door. The exquisite burst of ecstasy you experience when the salesman finds your size in the back. “Would it be obvious to others in the dressing room if I were to do 25 quick sit-ups?” Praying your crow’s feet and the toddler on your hip don’t make the J.Crew cashier deny your discount. “So if I live on ramen for the next month, and don’t refill any of my psych prescriptions, this is totally in my budget!” The moment of truth when you encounter a super-long line at checkout. Is your purchase worth the wait? Or do you cut bait and run? The back-and-forth over whether to buy an item now, or wait and see if it goes on sale. It’s basically like blackjack, but with boyfriend jeans and strappy sandals. Those annoying store credit card offers they shill at checkout. What part of my resting b*tch face reads, “Keep talking”?